Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)

Written by Damian Shannon & Mark Swift
Directed by Ronny Yu

Freddy Vs. Jason is a pretty difficult film for me to review, for a few reasons. First is that it was the first film I ever saw in theatres starring either of the slasher icons, secondly it's a fairly unique horror film which pits two horror icons again each other (there's this and AVP) - I love both these guys so the fact that they are on screen together does stand in its favour.

Thirdly, it was the last entry in both series - after this they got the remake treatment... so there's a tendancy to look at it through rose tinted glasses.

The plot is simple and disposable - the kids of Springwood have forgotten about Freddy Charles Krueger, so he can't get to them anymore. (Either Springwood has been repopulated since Freddy's Dead or that version of Springwood was some freaky dream) and so he brings Jason Fucking Voorhees back from hell - to go to Springwood and do some slashing on the sly, and hopefully getting the kids talking about Freddy again.

The film has a lot of problems, but the meshing of the two universes is not one of them. If we had only ever seen more realistic Friday flicks like the first few, we may have trouble putting Jason in with the Dream Demon - but since part 4 we've seen Zombies, Hellspawn, magic daggers and all kinds of other shit - I think the two fit together quite well.

The biggest problem with this flick is Freddy. It seems that most of his scenes entail him explaining the plot (time and time again) - it's a fucking slasher movie. The plot is virtually non-existant... why does it need explained to often? It's not a problem with the performance - but making Freddy the king of exposition does the film no favours.

As ever, we're introduced to some teenagers (from Springwood, not Crystal Lake) who are pretty but unimportant in the long run. We suffer through the ususal ciches, the shy retiring Virgin Girl, the nerd who can't get the girl, the sassy black chick and a stoner right out of Clerks. Nothing new here, moving on...

Yeah so Jason does lots of slicing and dicing, all the while moving at a snails pace (seriously - the slowest Jason has ever been. Must have cramp or some shit) and all the kids start talking and Freddy gets into their dreams - but he's still too shit to kill anyone.

Jason slaughters left, right and centre in this flick whilst Freddy himself gets one poxy kill. Seriously, one... the guy has been off our screens for 12 years (I'm not counting WCNN because it's not a 'real' Nightmare movie) and they give him one sodding kill? What the hell is that about? Useless. Jasons kills are very boring... machete, slash, machete, slash... yawn...

Freddy seems to have reverted back to a slightly darker version of himself (being stuck in hell will do that I guess) and he's more in line with the Nightmare 3 Freddy. Yeah, there's jokes aplenty - but they're a bit sicker than the punch-lines of 4, 5 & 6.

The flick does have some stand-out scenes - there are a few nice little references to previous installments of both franchises, and it's really nice to see the boiler room back. One of my favourite moments is when the Gibb character (played by Ginger Snaps Catherine Isabelle) is sleeping and get's stuck in the boiler room with Freddy. Not only do we get a recreation of 'Freddy coming out of the wall' from Nightmare 1, but Freddy get's his score stolen from him by the J man, which results in Freddy throwing a hissy fit. Genius.

The real problem with the film is that they try and build a real story around these uninvolving teenagers, but it's very half-assed. No one cares and the kids are all pretty bad actors - I don't buy them as real people for a second... and who the fuck cast Kelly Rowland in this?

Anyway, after an hour plus of all this bullshit the two bad asses finally come face to face in the dream world - fuck yeah. Jason get's his ass handed to him (cause it's the fuckin' dream world) and then Freddy get's pulled out by the main girl (they've gone to Crystal Lake or some shit - who cares FREDDY KRUEGER AND JASON VOORHEES ARE FUCKING FIGHTING!!) and he and Jason carry on there - Jason still takes a beating though... Freddy gets pretty fucked up too. But I've seen these films - in part six Freddy gets his ass handed to him by a chick with a stick... Jason should demolish the scrawny fuck!

So yeah anyway... Freddy fucks Jason over and then goes to kill the chick and her boyfriend dude... then Jason reappears and stabs Freddy with his own severed arm (claw attatched) - that was fucking awesome. Then the chick cuts Freddy's head off and Jason sinks into the lake. The end...

Except Jason comes out the water and Freddy's decapitated head winks... SEQUEL!

Except not, and that's the worst thing about this film. It promises something that was never delivered. It's far from a great film, hell it's not even a good film... but seeing the two icons duking it out makes it worth watching - just fast forward the rest of the shit.